October 21, 2018
The last couple years and the next few years to come are my generations age of weddings. For the first time this wedding season I felt really pretty in my dress, in my shoes, with my makeup, with my hair…. Actually, really pretty in my own skin, with me, with myself completely. There was a time when the thought of getting dressed up caused major anxiety for me. Matter of fact, I’m not even certain the word anxiety does the feeling justice.
Looking back through photos over the years have brought back so many memories for me. It’s hard for me to even recognize myself then. I was overweight, unhappy, lonely, timid, shy…. I could keep going. I do not have very many positive adjectives to describe myself from that time of my life.
I had gotten out of a really toxic relationship where I used to turn to food for comfort. When it was finally over, I was told nobody else would want to be with me and specifically I remember that being followed up with ” I mean, look at you”. Sadly, I believed it for too long. I fell into a depression, where I ate even more and partied….hard.
The day I decided to make a change I remember waking up just feeling emotionally and physically drained. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was disgusted by who I had become. It was then I became angry, and my “why” to change was out of spite initially. I said to myself, ” I’ll show him.”
Before Cross-Fit and X-Project existed in my world I worked out in my living room with some good old fashioned booty burning DVDs. Matter of fact I still have them, they’re hilarious to watch now but I’m telling you what, they changed my life. Why didn’t I join a gym, or get a trainer? Well, I was embarrassed and still that under confident, insecure girl. I lost the bulk of my weight working out alone, in my living room. I did not follow any type of strict diet at first. I loved to cook so I started meal prepping what I thought was “healthy” meals and so my journey began. Eventually, even though my body was changing and I felt better I realized I was still pretty lonely.
Fast forward to today. I crave the gym, more specifically our gym, our box, our community. X-Project has given me confidence, given me strength, given me friends and given me a sense of belonging. More importantly over the last two and a half years that I have been there I feel like it has given me my life back. If I had to describe myself today it would be confident, outgoing, funny, talented, driven, ambitious, motivated, optimistic, strong…. free. In my opinion that’s a way cooler adjective list. Just sayin. Circle back to back to paragraph one, I now love getting dressed up. This wedding season I rocked those dresses. I can’t wait to see what my body looks like and more importantly feels like by next wedding season…. Bring it on!
Photo 1 – 2014
Photo’s 2 – 2018